I’m Anxious. I Blame….
I’m very ill at ease, if you couldn’t tell. Currently, I’m secluded from my office. A couple guys are having a conference call with no sign of it ending soon. Training is…training and after today I’m in a huge mood to vent.
“Vent”. I remember that was a very important word in high school. Discussing the emotional complexities of your life equated to venting and every person who heard you out was considered a close friend.
Let me into my office! I want to go home!
These anxieties aren’t important. A couple are project related, stresses making an early appearance before the work really gets under way. Annoyance towards an endless cycle of video rendering occupies a second piece of the pie. Disturbances with people in my life is another piece (but that’s nothing new). None of this really has grounds. My constant postings to Tumblr are a very direct attempt at communicating with someone I shouldn’t be thinking about, and yet here I am, tapping away at another vague entry. Being literal always creates problems because 1) a large aspect of my life is top secret project or client work, 2) I’m not a fan of bitching people out on the Internet, 3) literal is boring. But vague can be boring too. Another roll call of obtuse verbs and adjectives to describe my ever-changing mental state. Perhaps this is my way of communicating without really communicating. Over the last year I’ve relied heavily on the advice of two college friends. They are the kind of friends you don’t ever really lose or forget, even if they are not in the foreground. We’ll be taking trips to tropical islands well into middle age and beyond. There is a beautiful dynamic that pulls us together, despite the STARK differences. A large portion of my high school style venting falls into their laps and I’m beginning to feel as if their knees may be breaking or broken. So instead, I will write here. For now. Until tomorrow. Or next week or when I’m utilized at 110% and don’t have time to breath let alone indulge in my senseless writing wiles.
What a rant. Needed to clear my head somehow. Perhaps a train ride immersed in City of God or electronic music will relieve the internal tension. There’s an After Effects project/class waiting to be completed at home. Food that needs to be ingested. Criminals that need to be subdued. A dog that will need to go out. Projects mulled over. Something. Anything.
