January 2010
86 posts
The more I think about how intoxicated you were, the more agitated I become. It shouldn’t matter. I can’t guide your actions, nor do I want to. But all the same. Stupid. Stupid and young. Feels like summer again. Maybe it’s maturity, but saying that is synonymous with coping out of a real explanation. Drawing a fine line between perfect amount and excessive, dangerous indulgence...
Evolved Breaks
Hearing your true voice for close to five minutes traps it in your mind. It becomes associated with your thoughts and re-readings of old conversations. I hate my real voice. I think it accompanies my pudgy and awkward face too well. Self-loathing is for teenagers but oftentimes I cannot prevent myself from tinkering with self image. A handful of those wires are tangled up still, switches burnt...
2 tags
WTF?
My throat feels like it’s been stabbed from the inside? Or punched? Either way, I’m dumbfounded as to how this mysterious physical pain was inflicted.
Bit By Bit, Unraveling
“It’s the switch!” These words bounce off blue plastered walls and textured cubicles. The internet at the office has crashed and an entire enterprise has come crashing down into oblivion along with it. My duties are stuck in the mud, stalling, unable to progress forward. No laser effects, no video scavanging, no disconnected conversations. Correction, it does not need to be a...
Watchmewareevil:
Apparatjik - Antlers
Only two days left from the release date of the album. sooooooo excited!!!!!
I wrote this in a creative poetry writing class today. We were granted ten minutes to describe an object plucked out of a brown paper bag. A black button encased in a small packet sat in my hand as it emerged from the bag. Here’s what I scribbled down in a flurry of the thought.
Round, but that is merely the physical description. Indented (?) in the middle. Contained in a box of birch bark...
Deep down, in the pit of my stomach, in the walls of my resolve, I’m fighting for this. At first it bred beauty, at second thought, merely contemplation. Why do I do this? My turn to be impossible. Parts of my body call for it, others feel indifferent in the face of such truthful prose. Spinning around and around, words that mean nothing, annoying realities and banal lifestyles. Stop it....
Start: Hempstead
Cicatriz E.S.P.
Like a nervous passenger waiting for the train, I’m counting down the minutes until the time when I must begin working this semester. I’ have delayed an hour, keeping occupied with IM windows, iPod synching and emails to my fellow peers and professors. Productivity versus procrastination. Never did I notice how large my palms were until you pointed it out to me. I’m de-fec-tive....
Watchmariaiuliano:
i can’t get over this. leaves me speechless. it speaks for me.
2 tags
Love Sick.
Marty, my boss, let me out of work two hours early. He fixed my time card so it said I got out at 10:40 as opposed to 8:40. Good man. Granted, I won’t get paid for twenty minutes of my three hour shift but maybe the $2 doesn’t matter so much in the long run.
There’s homework I should be doing. I’m merely contemplating it. Wednesday is open until 8 pm. That leaves...
No one is really paying attention to me, but without that wall I feel like eyes are burning holes into the back of my head.
I just finished my second cup of coffee. It’s pouring in New York City. My jeans are finally dry after walking 15 minutes in the downpour. Special thoughts kept me smiling. Like an idiot. As always. You know me so well. My life has to be a movie. With you it finally...
Day 6 of...
43 days…
1054 hours…
63258 minutes…
3795500 seconds…
It might not be exact, but I hope it’s damn close.
1 tag
Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place
I promise.
297
For the second day in a row, I’ve woken up around 11 am. Going to bed at around 2:30 or 3 am warrants a late sleep, but this is a little ridiculous. Throughout the night, messages swim through the air and land on my unconscious ears. I wish I could hear them; I’d be awake in seconds.
Debates over whether to shower annoy me. I know I should, but laziness is prevalent. I should get one...
Mulcahy's
Amidst the strobe lights, the rotating colored mechanisms, the ten HD screens mounted high on the walls, the slutty 20-somethings and their muscled companions, the showering snowflake confetti and the duel long bars, danced a collection of friends. Some moved in and out of the circle, their attention demanded by another group. Some flowed and danced to the music without pause. Drinks were had. 90...
14412.) If I could have any one thing in the...
(via blogsecret)
Both of you.
Day 24?
I really wish I had something interesting to talk about. Today is so monotonous.
Seriously. I’m about to break my writing voice just to emphasize how banal the world is today. Located seven streets downtown, the Next New office is more quiet than usual. A standard expectation since it is Friday. Today’s mission? Search Youtube high and low for channels focused on DIY special effects...
Murder By Envy
Hello, world. All six or so billion of you. Men, women, children. Wives, husbands. Brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, godparents. Best friends, friends, acquaintances, enemies. Coworkers, bosses, mailmen, city officials, business professionals, hipsters, art fiends, murderers, terrorists, fighters, writers, athletes, and everything in between, inside and out, left, right, up...
3 tags
Ó Friður
2 tags
Yeah...
A day’s worth of sleep stretched out over five days has left me surprisingly well off. My brain churns slower, slouched instead of upright, dragging its feet but thankfully still moving at all. After 15 straights hours of pushing buttons and turning joysticks, staring intensively at two screens simultaneously, pumping my stomach full of calories and caffeine, the sensation of dried sweat is...
After Thoughts
Social norms, conventions, expectations. I want to burn them all to the ground for this. I want to whisper this into the ears of every person I know.
Now I’m over-thinking. Two hours ago I got off a bus at Port Authority after a long ride home from Boston. A train and a second bus ride later and I am back where I thought I belonged.
I’ve left home a lot. That was definitely the...
Scrolling, Scrolling, Scrolling
What am I doing? Flesh tears apart every time I move my arm beyond a certain degree. I’m an hour away from going back in the direction I came and for what? For companionship? Spontaneous decisions, inhibited by low budgets and coincidences. The words are on the tip of my tongue, my reasons, but it takes all my will to hold them back. I want to share them with the world but the world will...
3 tags
“The Only Moment We Were Alone” -...
The Beginning Of The End Pt. 2
Finally, I am here. The last bag has been unpacked, a new rug has been laid down, and the clock has begun ticking to the end of my life as a student. It’s always been ticking, but the sound rings stronger in my ears. So close…
I feel gross, but I’d rather not move. Moving in always makes me feel gross, like all the hustle agitates the sitting dust and it takes a while to set...
1 tag
“We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be less lonesome. One...”
– John Steinbeck (via delgrosso)
10 tags
I'm Turning Into a Hipster
At this moment, the track playing on my iTunes is called “Deception Has A Way With Words” from the band I Hear Sirens. The album is called Beyond The Sea, Beneath The Sky. Could it be any more apparent where the laws of musical evolution are leading me?
Recently I have found too much meaning in music featuring vocals or words of any kind. Heavy rotation of Placebo’s Meds,...
5 tags
movieoftheday:
Moon River by Audrey Hepburn
Moon...
This feels a little like heaven. As much as it hurts to leave it all behind, I’m okay. Shit…
Processing all of this is impossible. Making sense of it? I don’t think I want to. All I can do is smile. Pushing aside the annoying trivialities, the little things I usually dwell on, the things I should have said, the movements I should have made, I’m left with the beautiful. I...
4 tags
Scrolling through Blog Secret makes me sad.
A lot of them I wish I could say myself. Oh, the shame.
Failing.
I can’t fucking do this…
Sickness takes ahold of me and I plan on spending an hour ripping off my skin. “Tranquil” plays but all it brings is lunacy rather than comfort. Numbness. Riding home on the train, the world split apart. Like cracked ice, the ground split, the walls split. Deep down was a fire inside. Two people sat opposite me, resting on each other’s...
1 tag
“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent...”
– Bertrand Russell. Dunning–Kruger effect - Wikipedia (via giantrobotlasers)