December 2009
77 posts
1 tag
Are You Sure It's Not 2004?
I want to take all of it back. There I go again, starting things with “I”.
Fuck you. How else can I put it without sounding like I’m five years old? Way to be a total bitch, or am I just looking too deeply into these tiny holes in my day. Everything was going fine and in moments we’re back to the same bickering fools. Fuck. I feel like shit.
Troubled waters are...
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Thom Yorke — “Hearing Damage”
Your mind is...
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This Apparatus Must Be Unearthed
This is the...
Import/Upload
Slow does not even begin to describe the pace at which this computer is importing videos from my Canon HG10 camera. Kristen, my sister, has the latest generation MacBook Pro, complete with iMovie 2009. My Mac is still stuck in 2006, running on Tiger, unable to recognize my camera. Approximately one hundred clips sit ready for import, each an extraneous happening I forgot to cut and shape into...
Snow and Rain
Ruminating on the couch, I remember how I woke up this morning and realized that the consistent rain is melting the several inches of snow outside. When I had heard of the snowfall a week ago, I thought it would be a brilliant opportunity to show my Californian friend Ari a world of white. But, alas, my body and brain are lazy and opted to remain indoors instead. Now the world is no longer...
Rehabilitation Pt. 2
Ten seconds after posting that text entry, I feast my eyes on several new posts from followed persons that I would like to reblog. NO! This is more than a means of imitation! But really, is it worth the effort? Shit…
I’m done thinking for the night. Chevy Chase has the fat cop at gun point and just strapped himself into the roller coaster. Maybe I’m as crazy as he is…
Rehabilitation.
Reblog. Reblog. Reblog. Like. Reblog. The science of Tumblarity and digital social interactions has been figured out. Scrolling through pages of images, drawn from a multitude of source, drawn from a multitude of mental stimulations, showcased simply because another finds fancy. Showcased simply because we can, because it’s so damn easy for us to share it with everyone else on the...
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A little blast from the past… And a...
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ADD Unsaids
Christmas this year was interesting. I realize that I say that word with great frequency. Gifts piled up, only have fully appreciated but most necessary to some degree. My brother just walked upstairs saying, “I’m such a music geek.” Yes, Andrew. A horrible music geek, one whose favorite band is Forever The Sickest Kids and a large collection of miscellaneous pop punk, Radio...
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Just Ruined The Coffee Table
I listened in the dark as the entire world locked into place. It was a subtle sound, barely audible to those surrounded by cacophony. But me, secluded in silence, with nothing but the screaming nothings in my brain, listened intently and with curiosity as a giant strap of fate was yanked across the planet and clicked into place. One second was all it took. But I heard it. It happened. Fates...
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Why do you call me at the door? You...
Fear Me, December
I changed my domain name. In the long run, it made sense to go with the name that I have doubled as for the last six years. Six years? Maybe a little under that. Five. We’ll say five. Miscellaneous reasonings cloud my judgement.
And now, because I had to provoke ash-covered memories with that blog post, there must be an appearance by the Glass Handed Kites.
Frost Bitten
An icy substance runs through my veins. It’s red color gives it away as blood but the temperature betrays such a notion. Curddling. Anxiety. The high pitched screams of those around me shake apart the icicles forming on my fingertips and yet they cannot penetrate the chill that travels up and down my spin. Feeling out of sorts, running in circles and living in a nightmare, that is where...
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Sycamore
With frequency I with I had more to say. Each entry becomes shorter and shorter in length as things become calmer and calmer in my life. But even still, that statement is a lie. Calm is not how things were a couple days ago and not how they will be in the future. Writing about them, though, does not enthuse me. Leaving them as is… My motives and the deeper feelings I have regarding...
I know I already posted this song, but it has...
Someone please follow me!
Hmm….
Pages! Did you get it?
Dear TM,
Large numbers act as milestones and this is one useless milestone I’d like to waste on you. My best friend has been abandoned by those she loves. The feeling is eerily similar because of what you have done to me. In moments of weakness, I want nothing more than to be with you once again. My eyes stare at the ground, wishing it would open up underneath and swallow me, aches, pains and...
Giving into my angry wiles never felt so invigorating. Deception and deprecation. Dragging everything through the mud…
My exterior countenance is unfazed. A smile remains despite the battle I’m having with myself inside. I get to be the one on the other end and it feels wonderful and damning.
EDIT: This is entry number 199. I have almost lapped my Epiphany on Blogger but the...
House and Home.
Had I the opportunity to post an entire album on Tumblr, I would. Meds by Placebo grows on me after every front to back replay. Listen to Track 8, Friend. You may find relevance in the words Brian sings.
Building houses never made me feel more sick. A finger down the throat seems the only viable cure. K is obnoxious, but I love her more than anyone. Hearing her sarcastic, blustering voice...
Deliberation.
Tight-lipped. Not much else to say. A cocktail of cruel emotions compels me to verbally abuse certain people What the fuck? I’ll give it the two week test, or maybe even shorter. “Break their hearts!” “Love her! Love her!” This is uncalled for, completely childish and unnecessary. Every word I type is forced, the result of intensive contemplation, but I...
9 tags
One more thing before we start the final face...
Pushing Away
Can I escape from you forever? Can these chains be broken? Or is it just as Pip said, bound by destiny? I’m egocentric. Times like these, submerged in reminiscent thought, feeling nothing between my fingers, I wish none of it happened. Where did this mood come from? Out of the barrel of what gun did this bullet blast through me?
A couple more days left here in my off-white cell and I...
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Ceiling of _____
This is the last straw. I hate you. I really fucking hate you. On and on you persistently disregard how everyone else around you is feeling. No one wants to hear this bullshit day in and day out, especially this week, of all weeks, you insensitive asshole. Fuck you. So badly do I want to take a shotgun to your equipment and your horrific face. Why does such horrible luck always come...
Apprehension.
Anxious. That’s one way of putting it. Waiting patiently. Feeling alone, uncomfortable with my eyes, like skin is being folded backwards. Exhausted, but awake. Four hours of sleep should not be so difficult. Work shirt still on. Too lazy to take it off? Too self conscience to unveil the white underneath, so scared I am of people seeing through me? (This skin is ugly and sensitive to...
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You are one of God’s mistakes, You crying,...
Schizophrenia.
English Literature II is finally finished. After writing furiously for an hour and a half, hoping my words would join together to create coherent arguments, I am finally finished with that class. Worst case scenarios of B+’s and A-’s reside in the back of my mind. Feet kicked up and hands clenched behind the back of their head’s, I don’t think they are going anywhere...
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Nils Frahm - Tristana (17:25)
Synonyms:...
The Weather Outside Is...
The air outside is perfect. A crisp 45 degrees sits on top of my sleeved arms, penetrating through just enough to cool me down. The sun has a dull, scrimed light, subdued yet refreshing. A six day forecast displays weather for the next few days and it looks like we, here on the Island, got lucky. Finals week doesn’t feel so bad afterall with a winter spell of heat. But then again,...
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It won't give up. It wants me dead. Goddamn this...
(Title = fuckyeahnineinchnails. Words = Mine.)
Here I am digging through her past instead of working to fix my present. It’s strange, being able to look so deeply within a person. She shot herself clean through, then gave me a stick to poke around the muscle and tissue, to push against the fleshy, bloody sides and collect samples. Keeping your head down for so many years, I now have a...